are you keeping me up...?

i hope not.

i'm trying not to fall into that anymore...

so many things that keep me awake at night, so many things over the years, i hate it.

but still. here i am, not able to sleep, writing about you.

i don't know what to say anymore, you read this and that worries me sometimes, i don't want to hurt you with misguided words. another reason i've devoted so much time to livejournal. everyone needs somewhere to hide i guess.

and, i'm afraid these words influence the tides...

right now, wherever you are, you're making a decision. a big one.

it scares me that this is all hanging by the thread of a phone line.

mm.

and words are petty. but i love you.

and i guess maybe our plans, or thoughts of futureisms don't match, maybe i'm just a little too sure of all this to try and be rational.

as usual.

i just hope i can spend some part of forever with you.

have to wait and see eh.

so many things, words blurred.

fuck it it's too late. i don't have the patience at this point to be precise.

and out of the 17 or so songs with the word 'fucker' in the title, this is the one that started them all. it's called 'fucker'.