(i, being a psych student, am aware of where my problem lies physically... my hippocampus is messed up. the hippocampus is where short term memory is stored.)

other things tend to slide as well.

i am making lists everywhere...

mostly to remember what's going on.

as freeform is hard when so much has passed since the last.

so...

1. the person i wanted to live with and share my life with dumped me. i still love him of course, that's the way it works. i am unsure of our future relations. or if there will be any.

2. i am in china. visiting a lost home. i know i wasn't happy here, but i wasn't happy anywhere. i appreciate being here a lot, it has helped me to remember where i have come from, and why i am me.

3. things seem so chaotic, i wish i had a bigger vocabulary. in fact, no. i like my vocab. english is just a disgusting language.

4. i know i am not writing here much, i know why as well. but i can't help it, the format is a lot better at lj. i dare not let everyone know where i am, but like i have said, if you know how to find me, you will.

5. so much in my life, yet so little. i think i like it this way. though i am just frightened that i will lose all the people i love. this feeling is somewhat akin to the 'i don't want to be alone' stance, but is somewhat different as i do not mind being alone, yet i do not like being caught between the two worlds of alone and involved. i am hoping i will keep all my friends, i am hoping i will find out who i am truely meant to be with.

6. you taught me a lot. you made me think about a lot of things. i understand i did the same for you. i still don't understand how you could let all this go. but i suppose the answers are not meant to be with me.

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these are just things i have been thinking about. i will try and be more frequent.

though it is hard to observe and experience at the same time...

to choose to live or tell.